What is divinity? Some say that the divine is the supreme power that makes and breaks us all. Some say that divinity is endless compassion and kindness. Some say the divine is everywhere and nowhere at once. Some say divinity is amongst each one of us.
Can one experience divinity? Those who have seen miracles would say yes. Is divinity an experience or a feeling? We all go to places of worship - to experience the calmness and peace it offers. We follow many practices to feel one with the divine. All religions say that we are all the same, that we all come into this world and go away the same way. Only our paths are different, making each of our journeys a unique experience.
If we are all the same, then why do we have so many prejudices? Why are there many barriers? Discrimination? Ill-treatment? Wars? If we could all realize that we are all the same, albeit in different avatars but with the same core within; it would automatically bring in tolerance and peace from within and that would in turn enable us to shift our focus to the good things in life.
Earlier this year, I had the good fortune of being part of Pongal celebrations at a children rescue home in the city. The management had organized a Pongal-making competition for the kids there. They were divided into teams and were given the essentials to make the rice based dish, as an offering to the sun god during prayer. Each child was from a different background - religion, social set up, education etc. Some were from countries like Nepal, Bangladesh and had no idea about what the festival was about. However, it was amazing to see the gusto with which each child ran around, filled with joy and love. They all put their heart and soul into making kolams, coloring them, preparing pongal using traditional fire, bricks, wooden sticks etc.
As I sat there, both amused and amazed at their innocence, I heard a little girl cry out, "Yesu pa, yennoda pongal nalla ponganum". She was praying to Jesus (presumably, she was a Christian), that her pongal should boil over the pot (traditional way of making it on festival day), so that it could be offered to the sun god.
It was then that the obvious struck me. Hope and faith in the divine is part of any believer. How does it matter which form of the divine we pray to? How does it matter which method of prayer we employ? And, do we really need a method? Is it not enough that we recognize the divine in each other and treat it with respect? If we could just destroy malice, greed and anger inside us, wouldn't that be the best offering to the divine? Wouldn't that make us more kind and aware of others' sufferings?
Religious practices are important to enforce discipline. But, what is the use of such practices if they don't encourage humanity and if they don't help as evolve as people? Why not feed a hungry child or teach someone a skill for free or serve the sickly or nurse an injured animal; these would definitely be every religion's preaching put into practice.
In an overly self-indulgent and cynical world, it becomes very necessary for us to understand what really matters in life because, eventually, at the end of the journey, what would really count is - how well you loved, how much you cared and how easily you let go of things not meant for you.
Friday, October 17, 2014
Saturday, August 30, 2014
The anatomy of pain
Pain is a very strange yet strong emotion that makes you go through a myriad of other emotions. It sets you off on a roller-coaster ride, where you are anything but in control. Pain can last for a while or be ever-lasting and there is not much one can do about it. Yes, pain can be managed but can you put an end to it? Or let it go? Or ignore it? Not without a massive internal struggle, which again is not a very nice thing to live with.
Physical pain has many treatments because the problem is simply, physical. Take medicine to numb the pain and you end up without feeling anything. Problem solved. But can one really numb emotional pain? How can you make that gut-wrenching feeling go away? How do you not listen to the loud throbbing inside your head and the rapid beating in your chest? How do you ignore the trembling hands?
Worse is not knowing what's causing the pain or where did it all start from. It gets tough when tears are pouring down your face endlessly without any reason & when you are still hurting even after you have cried your eyes dry through the darkness of the night. The anger that pain brings along with it, the frustration that no logic can explain and the helplessness that it puts you in. You cry out for help time and again but the world around you is either too busy or insensitive to see it. When you do come across someone who is sympathetic, they are also equally clueless about how to help.
Your pain is only yours. Life is a lonely journey after all, "they" all say. No matter how much you try, someone who is not in your shoes will never feel or understand what you are going through. So, expecting help from outside is pretty much useless.
The next option is then to find and do things which would presumably make you "happy". You try to meet people who make you happy, but they do not seem to have any effect. Worse, they don't even seem to know what's going on inside you. And that hurts even more. The feeling of not being wanted is a nasty one to live with. You try to selflessly bring happiness into everyone's lives, you put others before yourself and suddenly it hits you - no one cares. People do not need you as much as you need them. Ouch.
"Live for yourself"
"Have no expectations from others"
"Relationships do not last"
"There is nothing called true love in this world"
"I love you, but the terms and conditions are ..."
What are we? Furniture?
You try religion and spirituality, yet that doesn't seem to help. You try to look towards people more experienced than you in life for some advice, but you see through the facade quickly and realize they are as clueless as you are - they only fake it better. Somewhere you read that happiness is state of the mind, which means that it is not constant. But then, why is pain a constant state of mind?
Sometimes you just want to put an end to it, once and for all. Because no pain seems to be better than being constantly in pain. Then the mind goes through all sorts of ideas of how to put an end to the pain painlessly [see the irony?]. Several ideas pop up and so many rehearsals go on in the head. Yet when it comes to the actual act, there comes in a small doubt - what's the guarantee that the pain will definitely go away? That small element of doubt is a clear deal-breaker. Then as you ponder over this, the feeling of ending it all slowly subsides and somewhere from inside something tells you - hang on there, buddy, pain is not the only thing that defines you. Give yourself a chance, you may stumble upon something else.
So you gather what ever energy is left inside you and take every hour as it comes, trying to numb yourself into an emotion-less state so you do not feel anything - neither good nor bad - and that's when suddenly, out of the blue something small yet strong happens and suddenly you smile, you feel warm from within and life does not seem to be so bad after all. That's when you are grateful that you did not end it all. Because what ever this small moment had brought with it, it brought a glimmer of hope - that someday along the course of this journey you will find a way to win the battle within and until then, you have to keep fighting, no matter how much it consumes or exhausts you. Because small moments that bring hope and warmth give you strength to manage the long interval of pain that comes between them. These small moments are powerful because they show you that there is still happiness and goodness in this world and that makes all the pain gone through to reach them, worthwhile.
Ending life may end your pain but it will end everything else too. So, when the going gets really tough, just hang in there and bear the pain. Lie low and tell yourself that this will pass, because in between all the sadness, there will be sudden bursts of happiness; in between all the back biting and jealousy, there will be true friendship; in between all the rejection, there would come love; amidst all the cynicism and suspicion, there will be trust; among all the negativity, there will be displays of goodness. Believe in life and not in the pain. Eventually, the pain will subside or totally go away & when you give life a chance, you will experience immeasureable, gratifying moments that will last forever, even beyond your mortal span.
Physical pain has many treatments because the problem is simply, physical. Take medicine to numb the pain and you end up without feeling anything. Problem solved. But can one really numb emotional pain? How can you make that gut-wrenching feeling go away? How do you not listen to the loud throbbing inside your head and the rapid beating in your chest? How do you ignore the trembling hands?
Worse is not knowing what's causing the pain or where did it all start from. It gets tough when tears are pouring down your face endlessly without any reason & when you are still hurting even after you have cried your eyes dry through the darkness of the night. The anger that pain brings along with it, the frustration that no logic can explain and the helplessness that it puts you in. You cry out for help time and again but the world around you is either too busy or insensitive to see it. When you do come across someone who is sympathetic, they are also equally clueless about how to help.
Your pain is only yours. Life is a lonely journey after all, "they" all say. No matter how much you try, someone who is not in your shoes will never feel or understand what you are going through. So, expecting help from outside is pretty much useless.
The next option is then to find and do things which would presumably make you "happy". You try to meet people who make you happy, but they do not seem to have any effect. Worse, they don't even seem to know what's going on inside you. And that hurts even more. The feeling of not being wanted is a nasty one to live with. You try to selflessly bring happiness into everyone's lives, you put others before yourself and suddenly it hits you - no one cares. People do not need you as much as you need them. Ouch.
"Live for yourself"
"Have no expectations from others"
"Relationships do not last"
"There is nothing called true love in this world"
"I love you, but the terms and conditions are ..."
What are we? Furniture?
You try religion and spirituality, yet that doesn't seem to help. You try to look towards people more experienced than you in life for some advice, but you see through the facade quickly and realize they are as clueless as you are - they only fake it better. Somewhere you read that happiness is state of the mind, which means that it is not constant. But then, why is pain a constant state of mind?
Sometimes you just want to put an end to it, once and for all. Because no pain seems to be better than being constantly in pain. Then the mind goes through all sorts of ideas of how to put an end to the pain painlessly [see the irony?]. Several ideas pop up and so many rehearsals go on in the head. Yet when it comes to the actual act, there comes in a small doubt - what's the guarantee that the pain will definitely go away? That small element of doubt is a clear deal-breaker. Then as you ponder over this, the feeling of ending it all slowly subsides and somewhere from inside something tells you - hang on there, buddy, pain is not the only thing that defines you. Give yourself a chance, you may stumble upon something else.
So you gather what ever energy is left inside you and take every hour as it comes, trying to numb yourself into an emotion-less state so you do not feel anything - neither good nor bad - and that's when suddenly, out of the blue something small yet strong happens and suddenly you smile, you feel warm from within and life does not seem to be so bad after all. That's when you are grateful that you did not end it all. Because what ever this small moment had brought with it, it brought a glimmer of hope - that someday along the course of this journey you will find a way to win the battle within and until then, you have to keep fighting, no matter how much it consumes or exhausts you. Because small moments that bring hope and warmth give you strength to manage the long interval of pain that comes between them. These small moments are powerful because they show you that there is still happiness and goodness in this world and that makes all the pain gone through to reach them, worthwhile.
Ending life may end your pain but it will end everything else too. So, when the going gets really tough, just hang in there and bear the pain. Lie low and tell yourself that this will pass, because in between all the sadness, there will be sudden bursts of happiness; in between all the back biting and jealousy, there will be true friendship; in between all the rejection, there would come love; amidst all the cynicism and suspicion, there will be trust; among all the negativity, there will be displays of goodness. Believe in life and not in the pain. Eventually, the pain will subside or totally go away & when you give life a chance, you will experience immeasureable, gratifying moments that will last forever, even beyond your mortal span.
Saturday, April 20, 2013
The Protest
Many thousands gather outside the creator’s doorstep, protesting loudly. Finally, the creator comes out to see what the commotion is about. He is shocked to see thousands of bruised and battered forms of girls of different age groups.
“What is the problem, my daughters?”, he asked.
An elderly woman spoke up first:
“Lord, you said you are sending us to a beautiful world, the only place which supports life. You said there would be rainbows, streams, the sun, the wind. You said we would be loved, cherished and protected. You said we would have the unique ability to take life forward, to keep mankind going on. You gave us the ability to nurture, to be gentle, to love and to give”
Yet, today we stand here, to tell you that you have made a mistake. You have sent us to a world, where there is no justice. No love. There is only pain. And you turn a blind eye, and are now asking us what the problem is? Why did you do this to us? What did we do to deserve suffering of this magnitude?
The creator looks on, stunned. “I didn’t make them to cause anyone any pain”, he says.
The complains continued:
“My body became public property almost every time I got into public transport”
“I was told I was the one who asked for it as I dressed provocatively”, said a gang-rape victim”
“But I was only 2 years old and I’m sure my dress was not the reason I was kidnapped, held in captive and brutalized for days”.
“At least you were two, said another. I was only 3 months old, smiling at my wailing mother when she put poison down my throat as I was an unwanted 6th child”
“I fought back and got hurt more in the process. And then they said, I shouldn’t have fought back. I should have begged for mercy. I should have called them brothers.”
The creator tried to reason out, “May be some are like that. But, I’m sure I didn’t make all of them that way. I gave you all families, who would protect you against the bad guys and the monsters”.
Other angry voices started yelling:
“My father sold me to a rich landlord whose wife was not able to bear him sons”
“My uncle exploited me for years, but my widowed mother said I had to put up with him else we would starve”
“My drunken brothers thrashed me every day, saying I had an ugly face and no one would marry me and that I was a burden to them”
“I was harassed by my husband to sleep with his boss so he could get a promotion. Just think of the benefits, he said. When I refused, he pushed me down from our 14th floor apartment balcony”
“My mother became a prostitute to feed us, after my father abandoned us for another woman in our slum”
“The organize protests. People say they care, they feel for our pain. There are end less debates on news channels. Various TV shows try to spread awareness. Songs are written for us, poetry too”
“Leaders come up with their own theories of how such events could have been prevented. Those few who try to protect us are also beaten up or killed. Police doesn’t take most complaints seriously and blames every other body of authority. No one takes responsibility”
“Our violators are fed and well kept in jails. Justice takes long to be delivered. Most of them are not caught and they continue to violate many more. It’s a chaos, a circus – the world you have sent us into. There are definitely no rainbows or streams. Definitely no kindness or love”
“Stop! Stop!”, the creator said. “I can’t take it any more. I made man the most intelligent of all beings, the only creature with the sixth sense, the only species that could think and perceive; so that he would make the world I gave him a better place. I gave mankind the gift of women so they would learn to become sensitive, enjoy the beauty of the world I gave him, learn to take and give back love, protect their families and nurture better the generations to come.
I see today that my vision has blurred and the world is not the place I meant it to be. Today, my daughters, I apologize to you all on behalf of my creations. I can only offer you solace by saying that they may have ruined your bodies but no one can touch your souls. I made you all that way. Your souls are all pure. I will no longer send you back into that miserable planet. I will send you all to a peaceful heaven, where your souls can be at peace and far from pain. That place is within me, within my heart, where there is only love and compassion. Come, my daughters, enough of the pain. It’s now time to rest at your true father’s abode”.
“What is the problem, my daughters?”, he asked.
An elderly woman spoke up first:
“Lord, you said you are sending us to a beautiful world, the only place which supports life. You said there would be rainbows, streams, the sun, the wind. You said we would be loved, cherished and protected. You said we would have the unique ability to take life forward, to keep mankind going on. You gave us the ability to nurture, to be gentle, to love and to give”
Yet, today we stand here, to tell you that you have made a mistake. You have sent us to a world, where there is no justice. No love. There is only pain. And you turn a blind eye, and are now asking us what the problem is? Why did you do this to us? What did we do to deserve suffering of this magnitude?
The creator looks on, stunned. “I didn’t make them to cause anyone any pain”, he says.
The complains continued:
“My body became public property almost every time I got into public transport”
“I was told I was the one who asked for it as I dressed provocatively”, said a gang-rape victim”
“But I was only 2 years old and I’m sure my dress was not the reason I was kidnapped, held in captive and brutalized for days”.
“At least you were two, said another. I was only 3 months old, smiling at my wailing mother when she put poison down my throat as I was an unwanted 6th child”
“I fought back and got hurt more in the process. And then they said, I shouldn’t have fought back. I should have begged for mercy. I should have called them brothers.”
The creator tried to reason out, “May be some are like that. But, I’m sure I didn’t make all of them that way. I gave you all families, who would protect you against the bad guys and the monsters”.
Other angry voices started yelling:
“My father sold me to a rich landlord whose wife was not able to bear him sons”
“My uncle exploited me for years, but my widowed mother said I had to put up with him else we would starve”
“My drunken brothers thrashed me every day, saying I had an ugly face and no one would marry me and that I was a burden to them”
“I was harassed by my husband to sleep with his boss so he could get a promotion. Just think of the benefits, he said. When I refused, he pushed me down from our 14th floor apartment balcony”
“My mother became a prostitute to feed us, after my father abandoned us for another woman in our slum”
“The organize protests. People say they care, they feel for our pain. There are end less debates on news channels. Various TV shows try to spread awareness. Songs are written for us, poetry too”
“Leaders come up with their own theories of how such events could have been prevented. Those few who try to protect us are also beaten up or killed. Police doesn’t take most complaints seriously and blames every other body of authority. No one takes responsibility”
“Our violators are fed and well kept in jails. Justice takes long to be delivered. Most of them are not caught and they continue to violate many more. It’s a chaos, a circus – the world you have sent us into. There are definitely no rainbows or streams. Definitely no kindness or love”
“Stop! Stop!”, the creator said. “I can’t take it any more. I made man the most intelligent of all beings, the only creature with the sixth sense, the only species that could think and perceive; so that he would make the world I gave him a better place. I gave mankind the gift of women so they would learn to become sensitive, enjoy the beauty of the world I gave him, learn to take and give back love, protect their families and nurture better the generations to come.
I see today that my vision has blurred and the world is not the place I meant it to be. Today, my daughters, I apologize to you all on behalf of my creations. I can only offer you solace by saying that they may have ruined your bodies but no one can touch your souls. I made you all that way. Your souls are all pure. I will no longer send you back into that miserable planet. I will send you all to a peaceful heaven, where your souls can be at peace and far from pain. That place is within me, within my heart, where there is only love and compassion. Come, my daughters, enough of the pain. It’s now time to rest at your true father’s abode”.
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Get well soon, my darling sis
This is something I came up with in few minutes today. Dedicating it to my sister, who's not well and admitted in hospital. Missing her a lot, hoping she gets well soon and comes back sooner.
Get well soon, my darling sis,
Sunrise is waiting to be snapped
Get well soon, my darling sis,
The world misses being zapped
Get well soon, my darling sis,
5-star crunchys’ are waiting to be munched
Get well soon, my darling sis,
There are some who deserve to be punched
Get well soon, my darling sis,
The scooty wants to be vroomed
Get well soon, my darling sis,
Stella Maris is eager to be dhoom-ed
Get well soon, my darling sis,
Without you, Chennai is doomed
Get well soon, my darling sis,
Only your magic can make it boom
Get well soon, my darling sis,
Enough of the meowing
Get well soon, my darling sis,
Now is the time to start roaring :)
Get well soon, my darling sis,
Sunrise is waiting to be snapped
Get well soon, my darling sis,
The world misses being zapped
Get well soon, my darling sis,
5-star crunchys’ are waiting to be munched
Get well soon, my darling sis,
There are some who deserve to be punched
Get well soon, my darling sis,
The scooty wants to be vroomed
Get well soon, my darling sis,
Stella Maris is eager to be dhoom-ed
Get well soon, my darling sis,
Without you, Chennai is doomed
Get well soon, my darling sis,
Only your magic can make it boom
Get well soon, my darling sis,
Enough of the meowing
Get well soon, my darling sis,
Now is the time to start roaring :)
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
For the love of …………….. Biology!
Off late, I am hearing about so many cases of suicides, depression, loneliness, stress and other such negative emotions. These are the side effects of our so called modern world, where virtual reality has taken over actual reality with people isolating themselves into shells or ivory towers. But, evolution is yet to process this phenomena and come up with mutant variants capable of flourishing by themselves without social contact and so until then, we, the caught-in-between generations, have nothing else to do but to suffer this misery.
However, as someone having the privilege (at least I think of it that way) to study biosciences at the molecular/genetic level, I just can’t fathom why there is a need to feel so down? It is simply because at the molecular level, we are all full of energy and life. Don't get cynical here. It's true! Every tiny little molecule inside us is bursting with joy (ok, energy), as it goes about its work, in a perfect little pathway, doing its bit and making sure that we function well. These molecules don’t understand right or wrong, and good or bad – which are mere human perceptions of things around us.
A glucose molecule is broken down into energy, whether you are happy or sad, newly in love or out of it – the purpose is only to exist and function so that you enjoy the process of just being alive and enjoy all other things that are alive.
Still not convinced?
Ok, let's talk about healing mechanisms in the body, which are among the most amazing things I have ever learnt about – especially the clotting mechanism. So, what does the body do when there is a cut or an injury? Cry or crib about it? NO! It takes action, sends very highly specific chemical signals to the brain (we feel them as pain), asking for help. The brain in turn sends specific signals to all those factors that can help – the platelet cells that seal the breach to ensure there is no more blood lost, fibrin and thrombin proteins which help the exposed blood to dry (Clotting) and then the other cells which re-lay or replenish the lost cells with a new layer of healthy cells. Point is, when you are hurt, ask for help. Send out signals, who knows where help may come from!
Also, did you know that all the cells in your immune system are produced and start fighting infections from the time you enter the 3rd week inside your mummy’s tummy? No kidding! These cells grow into specialized types of cells (we geeks called it differentiation), each that has its own job to do – one may directly engulf (or eat up) and pathogen (disease causing villain microbe) and another type may just secrete enzymes (like launching a missile attack) that degrade the bad guys and chuck them out of your body.
So, learn from within, create a strong defense mechanism – constantly chuck out the people who tell you that you are no good. Trust yourself to make the right choices for you. Be confident, you don’t need someone else’s label to certify your merits, you should know them well yourself. Do what it takes to protect yourself and do it non stop. Keep the faith in yourself and keep losers away. As simple as that.
I could go on with a million of similar examples but mainly lets ponder about something:
When, at a molecular or cellular level, there is so much love for life, why are we then, a complex assimilation of these very molecules and cells; not able to follow the same spirit?
Just think about it, there is so much magic, so much perfection and beauty inside you or any other life form for that matter. Should we be nourishing it with love and care or punish it (or worse, end it) just because of something trivial like a failed exam or a stupid boss?
So, next time you feel depressed or stressed, think about all those zillions of tiny magic particles that make you, appreciate their lifelong dedication towards you, feel the joy of being blessed with a system like this, celebrate the feeling of being alive and then check yourself for that big smile on your face. Now that your know of the secrets inside yourself, If not for the love of life, feel the bliss at least for the love of biology!
Off late, I am hearing about so many cases of suicides, depression, loneliness, stress and other such negative emotions. These are the side effects of our so called modern world, where virtual reality has taken over actual reality with people isolating themselves into shells or ivory towers. But, evolution is yet to process this phenomena and come up with mutant variants capable of flourishing by themselves without social contact and so until then, we, the caught-in-between generations, have nothing else to do but to suffer this misery.
However, as someone having the privilege (at least I think of it that way) to study biosciences at the molecular/genetic level, I just can’t fathom why there is a need to feel so down? It is simply because at the molecular level, we are all full of energy and life. Don't get cynical here. It's true! Every tiny little molecule inside us is bursting with joy (ok, energy), as it goes about its work, in a perfect little pathway, doing its bit and making sure that we function well. These molecules don’t understand right or wrong, and good or bad – which are mere human perceptions of things around us.
A glucose molecule is broken down into energy, whether you are happy or sad, newly in love or out of it – the purpose is only to exist and function so that you enjoy the process of just being alive and enjoy all other things that are alive.
Still not convinced?
Ok, let's talk about healing mechanisms in the body, which are among the most amazing things I have ever learnt about – especially the clotting mechanism. So, what does the body do when there is a cut or an injury? Cry or crib about it? NO! It takes action, sends very highly specific chemical signals to the brain (we feel them as pain), asking for help. The brain in turn sends specific signals to all those factors that can help – the platelet cells that seal the breach to ensure there is no more blood lost, fibrin and thrombin proteins which help the exposed blood to dry (Clotting) and then the other cells which re-lay or replenish the lost cells with a new layer of healthy cells. Point is, when you are hurt, ask for help. Send out signals, who knows where help may come from!
Also, did you know that all the cells in your immune system are produced and start fighting infections from the time you enter the 3rd week inside your mummy’s tummy? No kidding! These cells grow into specialized types of cells (we geeks called it differentiation), each that has its own job to do – one may directly engulf (or eat up) and pathogen (disease causing villain microbe) and another type may just secrete enzymes (like launching a missile attack) that degrade the bad guys and chuck them out of your body.
So, learn from within, create a strong defense mechanism – constantly chuck out the people who tell you that you are no good. Trust yourself to make the right choices for you. Be confident, you don’t need someone else’s label to certify your merits, you should know them well yourself. Do what it takes to protect yourself and do it non stop. Keep the faith in yourself and keep losers away. As simple as that.
I could go on with a million of similar examples but mainly lets ponder about something:
When, at a molecular or cellular level, there is so much love for life, why are we then, a complex assimilation of these very molecules and cells; not able to follow the same spirit?
Just think about it, there is so much magic, so much perfection and beauty inside you or any other life form for that matter. Should we be nourishing it with love and care or punish it (or worse, end it) just because of something trivial like a failed exam or a stupid boss?
So, next time you feel depressed or stressed, think about all those zillions of tiny magic particles that make you, appreciate their lifelong dedication towards you, feel the joy of being blessed with a system like this, celebrate the feeling of being alive and then check yourself for that big smile on your face. Now that your know of the secrets inside yourself, If not for the love of life, feel the bliss at least for the love of biology!
Monday, June 4, 2012
Ammamma: A remembrance on her first birth anniversary; June 4, 2012
It’s never easy losing a grandparent, especially the one who has given you most of your best childhood memories. I used to always dread this day, when I knew I would have to write a memoir about my ammamma (maternal grandmother), but never knew that this day would come so soon in my life. However, I feel lucky to have been blessed to have a grandmother like her, for almost 25 years of my life. Here’s an account of why she was such a special person:
Born as “Sita May”, in a rich household in the then Ceylon (present Sri Lanka), ammamma was literally the apple of her daddy’s eye. She was her parents’ youngest child and an only daughter. Needless to say, she was lavished with everything a little girl could have had, back in those days – luxuries, jewelry, even imported biscuits and sweets and more importantly, lots of love and pampering from her father. Her mother was a disciplinarian, who believed that a girl must learn the chores of the house but her father, much to his wife’s frustration, encouraged the little girl to read books and learn dance.
Her father, wanting the best for his daughter, got her marriage fixed when she was 13 years old. But after the marriage ceremony, it came to light that the groom’s family had lied about the groom being a doctor – he was in fact a medicine school drop out. Immediately, my ammamma’s father took a stand, went to court and got the marriage annulled without caring for what others (relatives/society) would say. To him, his daughter’s happiness was most important. He also wrote to every relative explaining the circumstances in which he had got his daughter’s marriage annulled. Further, to save her from ridicule of other family members, she was sent to Banares Hindu University (BHU) in the 1950s to live in hostel and study up to M.A. Economics. To her last living day, she was grateful to her father for this.
After her graduation, she got married to my grandfather. Post marriage, her life changed drastically. She was married to a simple TATA employee and so she worked as a teacher to support her husband and his relatives. They would have to accommodate one relative after another and adjust in a small company quarters’ accommodation but she never complained.
Blessed with two daughters, the couple then had a 3rd daughter, “Paapa”, who was born being visually and hearing impaired. This child survived only for a few months, but my mother recalls how lovingly my ammamma would stitch dresses for the baby, bathe the baby, and take care of her. It did not matter to her or my grandfather that the child was a third daughter or a child with handicaps. This child, tragically, passed away after a few months due to medical complications – something that ammamma never recovered from. She used to tell me, what a beautiful baby Paapa was; words that can come only from a mother.
I came into this world in ‘86 and the first person to hold me as soon as I was born was my ammamma. She told me how happy she was to hold me, all pink and plump, wrapped in a matching pink towel. My mother says, earlier, she and ammamma had burst out laughing during an ultrasound session, looking at how I was round all over and they could not make out which was the head and which was the foot!
She stitched hundreds of dresses for me, even hand-made toys shaped like different animals. Time went by and we kept spending vacation after vacation with ammamma and tatagaru at Malanjhkhand, M.P. Come summer, and she would make potato chips, papad, pickles and so many other goodies. She was an excellent cook – I don’t think I will ever meet anyone who can cook better than her because the secret ingredient that she used in every item was love.
When my grandparents moved back to Chennai for good, I was most thrilled. Now the annual vacation became weekly visits and that’s from when I spent a lot of time with her and learning so many amazing things from her.
She worked as a teacher even after coming back to Chennai and was very dedicated to her job. She would not hesitate to go the extra mile for her students. She was extremely caring and patient. You will not come across one student in her entire teaching career who will say that she yelled or beat them. She was specially gifted to tackle the problem makers in her class; all of them are leading very meaningful and successful lives now, a true testimony to her class act as a teacher.
When I moved to hostel for class 11 and 12, I would come over to ammamma’s every weekend and she would always be there for me, encouraging and motivating me to do well in my exams. She would make endless rounds of tea and coffee and listen to me discuss my lessons with her. We would talk about books, about poetry, writers and history. She was also very highly interested in Science, and regretted that she did not pursue her career in it. She used to say, if I have a rebirth, I want to become a scientist and do something for the world.
She was fascinated by technology and thrilled by the internet. When I bought my laptop 3 years back, I sat down to show it to her and explained to her what all I could do with the internet. To make it simple, I told her I could do banking transactions, buy things online, communicate with friends and family, remember birthdays and anniversaries, plan my routine etc; she quipped saying, “Wow, if these computers could also give us babies, we would not need men at all!” I was shocked for a second and we both burst out laughing after that.
She was the proudest person on the planet when I graduated and got my engineering degree. I could see the pride in her eyes the day I showed her my degree and since then my graduation photograph sat on her showcase cupboard in the hall.
She was one person who gave me unconditional love. No matter what I did, I knew she would love me. And that was the best feeling ever. She believed in me, more than I believed in myself. I will always be grateful to her for teaching me so many lessons in life, which she followed perfectly, herself:
• Explore the joy in learning something new. There is no limit to what you can do as long as you have the will for it
• Have malice towards none. Anger, greed, jealousy are emotions that you can live without. Once you achieve this, automatically life will be happy
• Money is transient in life. Value people and relationships and give it your best, even if the other person does not reciprocate
• Do your best not to argue with anyone over anything. Silence is better than exchanging sharp words and bitterness
• Be grateful for what you have, not miserable about what you don’t have
• Love your children for what they are and love them unconditionally. There is no greater joy than what this pure form of love can give
• Always believe that you are special and strive to work hard and achieve your goals but do not let arrogance into your head and never neglect your family to achieve your own goals
• Always treat everyone equally, doesn’t matter how good they look or how much money they have or don’t have
• Duty comes first, comfort later
• Never send anyone from your home without offering them something to drink/eat
A lot of good people have lived in this world and have been mourned by many when they have gone. My ammamma was no less. If there was one funeral where even the milk-man, the grocery store guy, the flower girl sobbed, it was my ammamma’s. Such was the impact she had on people. I have not come across one person so far, who had even one bad thing to say about her – truly a remarkable achievement.
It is really hard to believe that she is no longer here with us. It was on this day last year when she cut a small sugar-free cake with us as she turned 70. Two months later, she left us forever. It was a sudden cardiac arrest that claimed her, but she went away like she always wanted to – without becoming bed-ridden and without causing anyone any trouble. I still remember that night in the ambulance when I held her cold hand, hoping for a miracle, hoping that it was a bad dream but she was gone nonetheless.
Strangely enough, though there is a big void in my life now, caused by her absence, there is no sense of loss. For the soul’s journey is eternal, I feel I will meet her again in another time and in another universe. Till then, ammamma, here’s sending you a lot of love and gratitude. May you rest in peace in heaven and look over us and bless us from up there.
~O~
Born as “Sita May”, in a rich household in the then Ceylon (present Sri Lanka), ammamma was literally the apple of her daddy’s eye. She was her parents’ youngest child and an only daughter. Needless to say, she was lavished with everything a little girl could have had, back in those days – luxuries, jewelry, even imported biscuits and sweets and more importantly, lots of love and pampering from her father. Her mother was a disciplinarian, who believed that a girl must learn the chores of the house but her father, much to his wife’s frustration, encouraged the little girl to read books and learn dance.
Her father, wanting the best for his daughter, got her marriage fixed when she was 13 years old. But after the marriage ceremony, it came to light that the groom’s family had lied about the groom being a doctor – he was in fact a medicine school drop out. Immediately, my ammamma’s father took a stand, went to court and got the marriage annulled without caring for what others (relatives/society) would say. To him, his daughter’s happiness was most important. He also wrote to every relative explaining the circumstances in which he had got his daughter’s marriage annulled. Further, to save her from ridicule of other family members, she was sent to Banares Hindu University (BHU) in the 1950s to live in hostel and study up to M.A. Economics. To her last living day, she was grateful to her father for this.
After her graduation, she got married to my grandfather. Post marriage, her life changed drastically. She was married to a simple TATA employee and so she worked as a teacher to support her husband and his relatives. They would have to accommodate one relative after another and adjust in a small company quarters’ accommodation but she never complained.
Blessed with two daughters, the couple then had a 3rd daughter, “Paapa”, who was born being visually and hearing impaired. This child survived only for a few months, but my mother recalls how lovingly my ammamma would stitch dresses for the baby, bathe the baby, and take care of her. It did not matter to her or my grandfather that the child was a third daughter or a child with handicaps. This child, tragically, passed away after a few months due to medical complications – something that ammamma never recovered from. She used to tell me, what a beautiful baby Paapa was; words that can come only from a mother.
I came into this world in ‘86 and the first person to hold me as soon as I was born was my ammamma. She told me how happy she was to hold me, all pink and plump, wrapped in a matching pink towel. My mother says, earlier, she and ammamma had burst out laughing during an ultrasound session, looking at how I was round all over and they could not make out which was the head and which was the foot!
She stitched hundreds of dresses for me, even hand-made toys shaped like different animals. Time went by and we kept spending vacation after vacation with ammamma and tatagaru at Malanjhkhand, M.P. Come summer, and she would make potato chips, papad, pickles and so many other goodies. She was an excellent cook – I don’t think I will ever meet anyone who can cook better than her because the secret ingredient that she used in every item was love.
When my grandparents moved back to Chennai for good, I was most thrilled. Now the annual vacation became weekly visits and that’s from when I spent a lot of time with her and learning so many amazing things from her.
She worked as a teacher even after coming back to Chennai and was very dedicated to her job. She would not hesitate to go the extra mile for her students. She was extremely caring and patient. You will not come across one student in her entire teaching career who will say that she yelled or beat them. She was specially gifted to tackle the problem makers in her class; all of them are leading very meaningful and successful lives now, a true testimony to her class act as a teacher.
When I moved to hostel for class 11 and 12, I would come over to ammamma’s every weekend and she would always be there for me, encouraging and motivating me to do well in my exams. She would make endless rounds of tea and coffee and listen to me discuss my lessons with her. We would talk about books, about poetry, writers and history. She was also very highly interested in Science, and regretted that she did not pursue her career in it. She used to say, if I have a rebirth, I want to become a scientist and do something for the world.
She was fascinated by technology and thrilled by the internet. When I bought my laptop 3 years back, I sat down to show it to her and explained to her what all I could do with the internet. To make it simple, I told her I could do banking transactions, buy things online, communicate with friends and family, remember birthdays and anniversaries, plan my routine etc; she quipped saying, “Wow, if these computers could also give us babies, we would not need men at all!” I was shocked for a second and we both burst out laughing after that.
She was the proudest person on the planet when I graduated and got my engineering degree. I could see the pride in her eyes the day I showed her my degree and since then my graduation photograph sat on her showcase cupboard in the hall.
She was one person who gave me unconditional love. No matter what I did, I knew she would love me. And that was the best feeling ever. She believed in me, more than I believed in myself. I will always be grateful to her for teaching me so many lessons in life, which she followed perfectly, herself:
• Explore the joy in learning something new. There is no limit to what you can do as long as you have the will for it
• Have malice towards none. Anger, greed, jealousy are emotions that you can live without. Once you achieve this, automatically life will be happy
• Money is transient in life. Value people and relationships and give it your best, even if the other person does not reciprocate
• Do your best not to argue with anyone over anything. Silence is better than exchanging sharp words and bitterness
• Be grateful for what you have, not miserable about what you don’t have
• Love your children for what they are and love them unconditionally. There is no greater joy than what this pure form of love can give
• Always believe that you are special and strive to work hard and achieve your goals but do not let arrogance into your head and never neglect your family to achieve your own goals
• Always treat everyone equally, doesn’t matter how good they look or how much money they have or don’t have
• Duty comes first, comfort later
• Never send anyone from your home without offering them something to drink/eat
A lot of good people have lived in this world and have been mourned by many when they have gone. My ammamma was no less. If there was one funeral where even the milk-man, the grocery store guy, the flower girl sobbed, it was my ammamma’s. Such was the impact she had on people. I have not come across one person so far, who had even one bad thing to say about her – truly a remarkable achievement.
It is really hard to believe that she is no longer here with us. It was on this day last year when she cut a small sugar-free cake with us as she turned 70. Two months later, she left us forever. It was a sudden cardiac arrest that claimed her, but she went away like she always wanted to – without becoming bed-ridden and without causing anyone any trouble. I still remember that night in the ambulance when I held her cold hand, hoping for a miracle, hoping that it was a bad dream but she was gone nonetheless.
Strangely enough, though there is a big void in my life now, caused by her absence, there is no sense of loss. For the soul’s journey is eternal, I feel I will meet her again in another time and in another universe. Till then, ammamma, here’s sending you a lot of love and gratitude. May you rest in peace in heaven and look over us and bless us from up there.
~O~
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Mid sea adventure !
2nd April 2012
Chennai
When my sister asked me out of the blue, if I wanted to join her for a mid-sea swim organized by CTC a couple of days ago, I immediately said, yes! Being an ex-CTCian (was active in 2007-08), I have fond memories of all the treks that I went with my CTC friends and had always wanted to do the mid-sea swim. This trip proved to be equally memorable.
All of us 40 odd enthusiasts met at Tiruvanmyur railway station at 6 am sharp on the 1st of April, a clear bright Sunday. Later, Money collection and name cross-checking that lasted 30 minutes, we left to Kovalam on bikes and cars. 1 km ahead of Kovalam beach, we stopped at a ‘potti kadai’ for tea and biscuits. Upon reaching the beach, we were greeted by Mr. Densing, who was 100 times more enthusiastic than us J Last minute additions brought the total of participants to 45.
We were given life jackets by Mr. Densing and his team, who set sail with us on 3-4 boats into the sea. Our fears of the sea pulling a joke on us (the day being April Fools’ day) was put to rest, as the sea remained at its calm and welcoming best.
In our boat especially, we had a blast going into the sea, with Mr. Densing encouraging me to hold on to the rope that gave balance to the boat. It was a wonderful feeling riding on to the waves with the wind on my face. Later I passed on the rope to my sister Priyanka, who equally enjoyed the experience. Narmada loved sitting on the edge of the boat, with all the others cracking jokes on how the boat had slowed down because of her action!
After about 30 minutes of boat ride into the sea, the boats were stopped and then it was time to take the ‘dive’ of faith. All of us gleefully jumped into the water, with me under the able guidance of Mr. Densing, who realized I had swallowed a lot of sea water and was having difficulty controlling my body underwater.
The water was not too cold and it was the best feeling ever, with the sun’s warmth from the top and the ocean’s cool that blanketed us. After Mr. Densing’s futile attempts to teach me how to swim, I decided to go with the ‘dead float’. Help also came from Zahid, who swam up to me and introduced himself in the middle of the ocean! It was very nice exchanging pleasantries with him and also floating around enjoying the entire experience of being in the ocean.
Everyone made merry in the waters splashing across the waves, despite the sudden stings of plankton under water. Mr Densing and his team shared stories of their livelihood – fishing, how they would teach their own children fishing, by taking them to the middle of the ocean and pushing them off the boat and asking them to come home in the next boat that came that way! Surprisingly, everyone took to swimming that way and there were no causalities!
As we were swimming around with life jackets, we could see Mr Densing’s team wading around with none, as if it was a 3 feet pool! Some of us also saw jelly fish, which thankfully were not the stinging kind. Requests to go deeper into the ocean were knocked off with a retort from Mr Densing’s team member who jokingly said, “If you go any further, you’ll be eaten up by sharks!” He may have been true for all we knew, as we were already in 600 feet deep ocean at the spot of the dive.
Safety measures were taken properly and the team members were given very good instructions at the start of the dive. After a lot of protest, it was time to go and most of us reluctantly came back to the shore. We had spent over an hour in the water and every one of us had a very nice time. By 10 30 am, it was time to disperse, with plans of what would be our next trek J
Personally, I’m very happy that though the faces have changed in these years, the spirit of CTC remains the same and I hope that that who ever comes into this adventure-loving family of ours, will keep it that way always.
Chennai
When my sister asked me out of the blue, if I wanted to join her for a mid-sea swim organized by CTC a couple of days ago, I immediately said, yes! Being an ex-CTCian (was active in 2007-08), I have fond memories of all the treks that I went with my CTC friends and had always wanted to do the mid-sea swim. This trip proved to be equally memorable.
All of us 40 odd enthusiasts met at Tiruvanmyur railway station at 6 am sharp on the 1st of April, a clear bright Sunday. Later, Money collection and name cross-checking that lasted 30 minutes, we left to Kovalam on bikes and cars. 1 km ahead of Kovalam beach, we stopped at a ‘potti kadai’ for tea and biscuits. Upon reaching the beach, we were greeted by Mr. Densing, who was 100 times more enthusiastic than us J Last minute additions brought the total of participants to 45.
We were given life jackets by Mr. Densing and his team, who set sail with us on 3-4 boats into the sea. Our fears of the sea pulling a joke on us (the day being April Fools’ day) was put to rest, as the sea remained at its calm and welcoming best.
In our boat especially, we had a blast going into the sea, with Mr. Densing encouraging me to hold on to the rope that gave balance to the boat. It was a wonderful feeling riding on to the waves with the wind on my face. Later I passed on the rope to my sister Priyanka, who equally enjoyed the experience. Narmada loved sitting on the edge of the boat, with all the others cracking jokes on how the boat had slowed down because of her action!
After about 30 minutes of boat ride into the sea, the boats were stopped and then it was time to take the ‘dive’ of faith. All of us gleefully jumped into the water, with me under the able guidance of Mr. Densing, who realized I had swallowed a lot of sea water and was having difficulty controlling my body underwater.
The water was not too cold and it was the best feeling ever, with the sun’s warmth from the top and the ocean’s cool that blanketed us. After Mr. Densing’s futile attempts to teach me how to swim, I decided to go with the ‘dead float’. Help also came from Zahid, who swam up to me and introduced himself in the middle of the ocean! It was very nice exchanging pleasantries with him and also floating around enjoying the entire experience of being in the ocean.
Everyone made merry in the waters splashing across the waves, despite the sudden stings of plankton under water. Mr Densing and his team shared stories of their livelihood – fishing, how they would teach their own children fishing, by taking them to the middle of the ocean and pushing them off the boat and asking them to come home in the next boat that came that way! Surprisingly, everyone took to swimming that way and there were no causalities!
As we were swimming around with life jackets, we could see Mr Densing’s team wading around with none, as if it was a 3 feet pool! Some of us also saw jelly fish, which thankfully were not the stinging kind. Requests to go deeper into the ocean were knocked off with a retort from Mr Densing’s team member who jokingly said, “If you go any further, you’ll be eaten up by sharks!” He may have been true for all we knew, as we were already in 600 feet deep ocean at the spot of the dive.
Safety measures were taken properly and the team members were given very good instructions at the start of the dive. After a lot of protest, it was time to go and most of us reluctantly came back to the shore. We had spent over an hour in the water and every one of us had a very nice time. By 10 30 am, it was time to disperse, with plans of what would be our next trek J
Personally, I’m very happy that though the faces have changed in these years, the spirit of CTC remains the same and I hope that that who ever comes into this adventure-loving family of ours, will keep it that way always.
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